Ten ways to run out the clock after you've been laid off

If you've ever had problems getting motivated at work, try doing it after you've been laid off. Seven more days of this. I'm not alone, either. I can see it in the other "choppeds," as we refer to ourselves. Or "The Unlucky 7." That's literally half the team in the Seattle office that do what I do. What I did. I'm not doing it anymore, not even for the next seven days. Let the Mumbai crew get used to it. They'll be the ones taking on our work. For pennies on the dollar.

While I'm showing up and counting down the days/hours/minutes, here are some things I've been doing to keep occupied.

1. Scrubbing my personal data from my work computer. Any document, email, downloaded file, you name it, that I've saved over the past eight years is being reviewed and removed. Anything worth keeping goes onto a thumb drive. Most of it's not worth the space. Man, it's amazing how much crap you save on the off chance you might ever want to look at it again.

2. Shredding. Same general principle as scrubbing the hard drive, only you can physically see the progress. Our company has shredders in every printer alcove, which are meant for business sensitive information to be destroyed. I've found it's also an effective way to get rid of anything that might be incriminating or embarrassing, like cartoons I may have drawn of former co-workers and the Bullshit Bingo scoresheets this guy Benj and I used to mark up during team meetings. No sense taking the chance on someone mining that gold out of the recycle bin.


3. Coffee runs. If you define "walking distance" as within a mile of our office, there are 13 coffee shops, kiosks, or carts within walking distance. Two of them get about 85 percent of my workday coffee traffic. I've hit most of the others randomly over the years, but there were three I'd never tried until this week. Time to see what I've been missing, if anything. And who knows, maybe I'll get another job in this neighborhood someday. So far I'd rate Beano's Beans 3 stars (out of 5) and Jet City Roasters 2 stars (1.75, if I'm being strict, but we'll round up). Tomorrow morning I'll try Alf's Mobile Mug, assuming his cart's there. It isn't always, and that's not a good way to run a business, if you ask me.

4. BoJack Horseman. I don't know how I hadn't started watching this before now. I've streamed five episodes since Monday. I've had to start bringing my phone charger to work. This show is brilliant. I won't say it's funny, because it's not exactly, though sometimes it is. But it just nails something about how life really sucks deep down in a lot of ways.

5. Christmas shopping. I ordered my kid brother a couple of things. I won't get into specifics, just in case he happens to read this. (Hey, Shane! S'up?)

6. Lunch. Other than a couple of years when I would go out to lunch most days with my friend Derek, for most of my tenure I've eaten my lunch at my desk. I usually bring a sandwich or leftovers. I can't justify eating out every day on my salary. But the bonding with the other Unlucky 7 has been sudden and strong. One of the guys who started the same summer I did, Sunil, has been sending out emails every morning asking for votes on where we should go. He's especially funny about our jobs moving to Mumbai, because his parents moved here from a town right outside Mumbai back in the late 1970s. He still has relatives there. He's wondering if one of his distant cousins will take his job.

7. Checking my book sales. If I had a sale for every time I checked my reports page, I'd be on the NY Times bestseller list by now. Alas, the watched pot rarely boils.

8. Twitter. What a black hole of time Twitter can be. An hour disappears without a trace, sucked inward second by second until it ceases to exist in any meaningful form. I couldn't even tell you 99 percent of what I looked at on there, because by the time I'm onto the next pointless tweet, the last one has already filtered out of my brain. They're like dreams. The only one you remember is the last one right before you wake up, and even then the details are so fuzzy you can't explain them to anyone without making up shit to fill in all the blanks. Speaking of which, if you have some time to burn, give me a follow: @realJasonVanO)

9. Updating my resume. Okay, I haven't technically started on this yet, but it's on my list.

10. Writing this blog post.