You say you want a resolution

It's that time of year again. The time when we all resolve to improve ourselves. This year I've actually put a bit of thought into it and have come up with 10 resolutions. (I love me a top 10 list, if you haven't noticed by now.) Without further ado ...

1. Do at least one thing every day to find a job. Okay, it's now been six weeks and change since I got laid off. I have applied for one job so far. And it wasn't even really a job. It was one of those things where they didn't have an opening at the time, but the company sounded cool and they had a link where you could upload your resume for "future openings." All through December I used the excuse that no one hires during Christmas time because they're too busy with holiday and year-end stuff. No more excuses. Time to get cracking. I have 10 weeks left until my severance runs dry. I vow to do something every day to move my search forward, whether it's applying for a job, updating my resume, researching a new company, etc. Monday through Friday that will be my job. I'll allow myself weekends off. And I'll start Wednesday, because tomorrow's a national holiday.

2. Read at least 50 books in 2019. Back in high school this would have been on the low side. I've slacked since those days. I can't have read more than 20 books this year. 25 tops. Somewhere along the line I got hooked on Mahjong Titans. What an absolute timesuck. This is a two-part resolution: stop wasting time on computer games and pick up a book. (Clarification: This doesn't include legitimate video games on the PS4, which are still allowed. This resolution is only about time-filler games on the computer. If somewhere someone over the age of 70 is playing that same game, that's the kind I'm talking about.)

One angry man, and a Thanksgiving dinner un-invite

My first free weekday since the layoff, and I went to bed early last night because I wasn't feeling well. I thought I felt a cold coming on, but I seem to have dodged it. Whew. I woke up to an interesting voicemail, though. It's been a while since I've scored a drunken screed from Rob. This one was quite the ramble. Give it a listen.


Here's what he said, if you couldn't make it all out:

"Jason, come on, man, I know you're there. I know you're there cause it's a cell phone. You just saw it was me, you don't pick up. I don't think I'd pick up if I was you either. Yeah, I saw the book. Ray Donovan had a copy on his iPad in the store. I saw it. He showed me the, all the parts. You know, you said when I asked you, you said there's nothing bad. You know there was nothing good. I didn't see one good thing about me in that entire book. Not the parts that I saw. You never appreciated anything I ever did for you, Jason. Nothing. Nothing. I hope some day, you know what I think would be funny, your kid writes a book about you, someday, and you'll get to see what he really thinks about you, and I bet you it won't be good. It won't be good at all. I'll laugh my ass off. I'll buy a copy of that book, that's for sure. I'm not buying yours. Ray wasted his money on it. You can thank him. You know, don't come over here on Thursday. You're obviously not thankful for anything, anything I've ever done for you, all the things I've ever done for you. No, not thankful. And don't bother apologizing. I know you won't mean it. I thought I knew you better than that. Ah, fuck it. I'm disappointed."

The big day is here at last!

Wake up, America. It's a brand new day. Yeah, I still have to go to work and suffer through the fallout of certain co-workers being promoted. (Maximum Smug Level will undoubtedly be achieved.) But at least I get to celebrate the release of my new book. Yeah, the one I've been telling you and telling you about. It's here at last. And if you enjoy this blog, well, you're going to love the book.

So, get on it. Please. Fire up those ereaders and download away. (And the brilliant part is, if you read on a phone, you can probably do it right at your desk and  your boss won't even notice, as long as you don't laugh out loud too much.)

Kindle: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07JDPQ154

Nook: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-first-world-problems-of-jason-van-otterloo-james-bailey/1129736330?ean=2940161919613

Everything else (Apple, Kobo, more): https://www.books2read.com/b/3L0X7w

I’m back, and other breaking news

Hello, Internet. Or should I say, hello again? Yes, I’m back. It’s been a while. What’d I miss?

Okay, it’s not exactly accurate to say I’ve been away from the web all this time. I’ve surfed, I’ve lurked, I’ve Facebooked (regrettably). I was content lingering on the fringes of cyberspace. Then something my therapist said (yeah, I’ll get to that bit, give me a moment) started the wheels spinning a couple months ago. Spinning in mud, really, until last weekend. She said, and I’m paraphrasing, we’re all social beings, and deep down we all need to connect, but the way most of us do is so unhealthy we’d be better off unplugging and staring at our toenails. Social media should come with warnings about all the side effects, just like medications you see advertised on television. “May cause paranoia, rage, and suicidal thoughts.” She was speaking generally, not about my reactions specifically. My side effects could better be summed up as disdain for my fellow man. You’ve probably been there.

Her advice was to never seek connection in short soundbites. Facebook and Twitter have robbed us of the ways we used to communicate, in long form. We try to be witty and sharp and wind up missing the mark more often than not. We obsess over how many Likes and Retweets we get, instead of sharing our authentic selves. This all came up after an incident at work over the summer. A stupid, inconsequential incident that blew up into a four-alarm inferno, thanks to a comment I posted on Facebook. My last ever FB comment, actually. I deleted my account the next day. I haven’t missed it for a second.

But I have missed … this. Stringing thoughts together into paragraphs, and paragraphs into posts. I loved blogging once upon a time, even if it did feel mildly narcissistic on occasion. I still have them all. The night I killed my blog, I archived it all—every post, every picture—on a thumb drive. Just in case I changed my mind. I honestly thought I would. I figured I could just repost it all and not say anything and no one would even notice it had been missing.